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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 06:01 AM
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Peephole
Joined: Jul 24, 2007
Posts: 1596
Location: Stowing away in Daron's spaceship with a box of Oreos and water
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This is like a children's book...a really, vulgar children's book.
Serj T. the Weather Machine
Once upon a time, there was a man named Serj T. Serj knew ever since he was a little boy, that he was different. He could do things no one else could.
He could control the weather.
Yes, the sun shone out of his ass. When it was cloudy outside, it was because he was constipated. Serj also pissed rainbows when he was particularly happy. When he was mad, he could whip up the nastiest thunderstorm you ever did see. Sometimes when he farted, tornados occurred. He excused himself for that, along with his burps, which caused heavy winds. One day in his band, System of a Down, he decided to tell his friends about his long kept secret.
“Guys, I have something I really want to tell you before we all leave!” he announced.
“What the hell do you want to say now motherfucker?” said Daron. Daron was a small, hairy man who sometimes resembled various tiny dogs. He bark was worse than his bite, unless he had a guitar and mike.
“I can control the weather!” Serj said enthusiastically, hoping his friends would believe him.
“Bullshit!” yelled John, who threw a stick at Serj, just to prove his point.
John was normally quiet and scary looking, but he was also a very honest man who was nice, enjoyed long walks on the beach and midnight rendezvous through parks and forests where no one could hear you scream.
“I think you took one too many hits man.” Shavo muttered. Shavo was tall, bald, and very skinny. His beard was almost as long and thin as he was. His bald head had a nice shine to it and sometimes caused traffic accidents because people would get so transfixed by the sight of it, they would run red lights.
“I’m not high and it’s not bullshit! I really can! Everyone come outside with me right now.” He stomped outside, his friends following only so they could make fun of him.
“Dude, you’re fucking lame.” Mocked Daron.
“Don’t be mean Daron. I’ll put you in time out.” John scolded.
“Nyeh!” Daron stuck his tongue out at John, who grabbed it and dragged him along.
“OWWIIIEE!!!! LEH GOO! WAAAH!!! SERD MAKE HIM LED ME GOO!!!!” Daron whined.
“John…” Serj warned.
“Alright, alright. You win this time maggot.” John growled.
“Out mothafucka. That hut a lot!” Daron said, tongue out.
“You’re both fags.” Shavo laughed.
When they got outside, Serj said, “Okay, now pay attention. Is it windy?”
They all looked at each other. John said, “No.”
“Okay. Watch.” Serj let out a huge, long burp, and the wind instantly began blowing. It was so strong, it almost blew Shavo and Daron away, but John held on to them.
“Cool! Do it again!” Serj smiled and burped loudly again, this time, having to hold on to John so as not to get blown away himself.
“Wow, I guess that wasn’t really bullshit after all!” John smiled proudly at his friend and pat him on the back.
“But I feel really guilty.” Serj said sadly.
“Why? You’re like Storm in X-Men! Except, not smokin’ hot.” Daron pointed out.
“Well, It’s just that Hurricane Katrina was my fault. And the hurricanes after that. I ate some bad tofu-soy thing and well, I had stomach flu for that duration of time. Then I tried some food Daron cooked and it only made things worse. And the tornados in the Midwest were my fault. I had really bad gas.”
Daron, Shavo, and John all stared at their friend. A non-violent member of PETA, who looks down upon killing and war, was responsible for the deaths of millions. Who knew?
THE END 
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If someone wants to draw a comic for this piece of writing, they are more than welcome to do so. I've got an avatar to edit/create  |
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Steven's (Jizzlobber) avi makes me 
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 06:48 AM
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Joined: Apr 23, 2008
Posts: 312
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Fantastic and hilarious, Dika.  Delicious, delicious irony *pets mass murderer Serj*. I love how you described John, Daron, and Shavo as well (and what you said about this bald head is entirely true; I bet if you rub it you can see the future). What's Serj doing when it snows?  |
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 06:53 AM
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Peephole
Joined: Jul 24, 2007
Posts: 1596
Location: Stowing away in Daron's spaceship with a box of Oreos and water
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When it rains, Serj is sweating. No doubt. Dance in the rain people. It's equivalent to Serj's sweat
When it snows...well, masturbating keeps you warm so...
I'd like to rub Shavo...I almost went there! |
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Steven's (Jizzlobber) avi makes me
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 07:32 AM
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Dart
Joined: Sep 06, 2007
Posts: 953
Location: Into the Wild.
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Oh my gosh!
SERJ, STOP YOUR FUCKIN SWEATING HERE IN ITALY!IT'S FUCKIN JUNE!
sorry, i had to do that. |
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He's The Left Eye
He's The Right Pika Luver
-Rolling a cigarette called SUICIDE-
I love you.
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 08:23 AM
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Marmalade
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 2198
Location: Right where i wanna be
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Dika thats freaking hilarious you rock !!!
I love the part where Serj says hurricane Katrina was his fault because of the tofu stuff what a mess, poor Serjy causes such catastrophes, awww  |
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 08:52 AM
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Joined: Apr 23, 2008
Posts: 312
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Ah, and Dika, I'll email you tomorrow sometime... my friend's having big problems with his private server, I need to find a coder for him. Anyway, Ely and Silke can attest to the fact that they think the plot I have in mind is pretty okay.  |
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 08:56 AM
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Marmalade
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 2198
Location: Right where i wanna be
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^^ "pretty okay"  its great, man  |
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 01:45 PM
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Premium Member
Joined: Jan 09, 2006
Posts: 3612
Location: dancing in the acid rain
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That was lots of fun!
I especially liked the little conflict between John & Daron.
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"Sometimes a fantasy is all you need." Billy Joel
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 06:53 PM
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ddevil
Joined: Jan 31, 2008
Posts: 1134
Location: PC=Padded Cell-ah
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Posted: Jun 16, 2008 - 07:26 PM
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Peephole
Joined: Jul 24, 2007
Posts: 1596
Location: Stowing away in Daron's spaceship with a box of Oreos and water
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Right now, the sun is quite bright, so his bowel movements must be pretty clear today!
Steven, I will be waiting *waits patiently*.
Rike, omg, Dexter is my new crack. And we all want to go there
Thanks everyone! If I had a drawing bone in my body (or weren't so lazy), I'd probably, draw a chibi version of SOAD for this. |
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Steven's (Jizzlobber) avi makes me
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when you on the stage and you start your set , you already feel what kind of audience you'll face with
-- Serj Tankian
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