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Posted: Jul 18, 2008 - 06:09 AM
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Member
Joined: Feb 17, 2006
Posts: 155
Location: California
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Well I dont really know where to start, but it seems like theres a lot of smart people around here that could give alot of usefull edvice.
Firstly, a little backround info..
I've kinda gon thru some big changes in my life the past year, and i am a totally different person almost. i used to have a bubbly kinda "i dont give a fuck wat u think about me, lalala" joking, cheerfull personality. but i kinda went on a pot smoking, acid-dropping binge for about a year, kinda left my friends for a while--they were dicks but deep down really cared for me, but i was still sick of being treated like shit-- n hung out with some other people. Anyways, i gradually slowed down with the drugs and totally stopped about 4 wks ago, while going through some deep depresson which i'm slowly somewhat comeing out of (I go back and forth from depressed to happy). Becuz of the drugs and shit i;ve changed alot. I'm still kinda silly and stuff but not as much, im alot more negative even when i try not to be.. i lack alot of confidence but have been more outgoing then before despite that... but my BIGGEST problem is the fact that i can't carry on a casual conversation very well anymore. i can talk about deep thinking stuff but still sound like an idiot because i cant put stuff into words that well.
Anyways i was going to this swapmeet the other day, to buy a la dodgers jacket thing for my uncle.. and me and this guy (about my age, 1 who happened to get to the door (its an indoor swapmeet) the same time as me n we started talking, after i asked him some stupid question bla bla but we pretty much walked around the place and i immediatly knew that he wasn't one of those shallow, plastic people you find too often in cali.. but yea so i was pretty comfortable with him (wich is suprising since im so shy now) so long story short we ended up goin across the street to buy some stuff.. and we pretty much just drove back to the lot of the martketplace n just talked for like 3 hrs in his car.. which was really nice.. cuz he kinda had the same deep thinker mindset that i did and we had pretty nice conversations about alot of shit, cant even remember. They were all about
So after a while we went our seperate ways sincewe both had to be places ta be and i said i would hang out with him sometime, maybe buy some of his bud (just to pick up for one of my stoner friends)
So i kinda forgot what i was getting at, i'll remember later i'm just sleep deprived coz of school and work, but i basicly just need some advice on how to have more confidence (cuz thats really all you need sometimes, eh) and how to be more chill, not overthink things so much, that kinda thing. Cause i can't say i like this guy since he doesnt really live that close, but he was droppin hints that he kinda liked me in the past few days, --not flirting exatly-- but i wanna get to know him some more, see how things work.
any sugestions?
btw sorry if i went on and on a bit or said things weird, just felt like explaining shit.. there's alot more to say but you got enough to read. I;ll continue as people reply. thanks. |
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We're on drugs!
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Posted: Jul 18, 2008 - 07:03 AM
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ddevil
Joined: Jul 24, 2007
Posts: 1351
Location: Stowing away in Daron's spaceship with a box of Oreos and water.
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Well. You used to be non-chalant and relaxed and now, you aren't. Hm.
Ego Booster
Now, if that doesn't help...
I think you should just remember how awesome you are and don't let anyone tell you different. Just relax. Stop thinking. If you start thinking about something, stuff, anything, then STOP! Follow your intuitions and heart.  |
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DeviantArt: HarlotsRoulette
The Harlot's Hiatus is currently in effect. Peace it.
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Posted: Jul 18, 2008 - 07:20 AM
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Dart
Joined: Apr 28, 2005
Posts: 1072
Location: under your daughters bed
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I've never really had a problem with confidence or anything... And this isn't me being vain or like "IM SO HOT" because I know I'm not.. I'm quite humble.. I just see it as.. Okay, if I'm going to throw myself out there and they don't like it then they don't like me...so fuck them...
see, you get alot of self confident people who think they are better than anybody else.. That's not the kind of self confidence you want.. You need to have it in yourself.. In all realms of the word. Like, do you feel like you can carry a conversation well??
That takes you a long way, if you can be yourself.. That takes you a long way..
Take me.. I think of myself as a funny guy... I can keep a conversation fresh everytime somebody talks to me.. I've been told by girls that its what attracted them to me (Weird thing to say I know lol) Like.. I've had phone conversations for....5 hrs a night for a year and have a new convo every night... It's just confidence in what you can do...
If they don't like who you are...fuck 'em.. if you want to wave a false flag on who you are.... that's you.. Not going to stop you, ya know??
The key to self confidence is to be yourself.. I know how corny and cliche that sounds.. But it's true.... I can't say to myself "I'm a catch' but I CAN say "I'm funny and I can keep a conversation alive" - I approach those situations differently than most.. I basically talk to you like I've known you for years and we're good friends.
shit, what am I talking about???
was this on topic at all??
oh well.. lol believe in yourself! THE TV WAS RIGHT! |
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Posted: Jul 18, 2008 - 03:16 PM
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Marmalade
Joined: Jan 26, 2008
Posts: 2069
Location: nowhere
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I have the same confidence issues and shit as you so i might be of some help.
if you have been going through lots of changes and such then no wonder your not the same cheerful guy you used to be.
your depression should subdue in the upcoming weeks, hopefully.
usually music helps when im sad. that, or pacing around the house.
i have problems carrying on conversations too. really, I SUCK ASS AT SOCIALIZING.
i have one person i usually can talk too, she likes SOAD too, so its easy to talk to her because we share that in common.
maybe try finding someone whom you share something in common with.
if you have something in common then you can usually use that to stem into bigger conversations about other things.
as for confidence, that has always been an issue for me too.
just try to be yourself.(that dosent work for me because im just a sucky person in general.)
you obviously had confidence before the drugs, so im sure it will come back.
best of luck to you dude. |
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Posted: Jul 18, 2008 - 03:47 PM
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Spider
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 429
Location: Milton Keynes, England
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hmmm well for a start, i think you should get a big "virtual" pat on the back for quitting the drugs, they don't do anyone any favours. (ok ok...maybe they do Daron some favours...but...thats besides the point! lol)
Basically...deep down, you'll know what sort of person you are. No matter what friends you hang out with, no matter how you dress...the same person will always be there inside. So this year, it sounds like you've wanted to explore what your capable of as a person....you've found out...and now you want to return a sense of normality? I think that will come in time, you've probably found out alot of things about yourself which you never knew and now you have to use this to your advantage, learn from it and build it into a bigger self confidence 
I'm not gunna pretend i know everything, im only 20 and we all have our own problems but hopefully this should all help. We all go through shitty patches in our lives, but we all come through it. I think the most important thing is to learn from it, find people to socialise with and you will naturally become more confident. Your confidence has probably dropped because you've started to hang around with people who you were never 100% happy with? And do you realise that you felt at ease around this guy because he was the sort of person you were naturally comfortably with..without the dependancy of drugs etc to hang around with him. Now if you put that sort of situation and add it to loads of your friends...if you can meet people who you're comfortable with you'll be your old self again and be confident!
And, if deep down you miss your old friends...pluck up the courage to try and slowly start talking to them...we all have to carry on with life and if they can't forget the past then it'll be their loss, but im sure, if they're really your friends they'll happily wanna hang out again...who knows....all i'm saying is, try and find the real you again...it's always been there, you just need the right people around you to help you find it |
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Posted: Jul 18, 2008 - 04:40 PM
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Spider
Joined: Nov 26, 2007
Posts: 389
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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It sounds like everything you've been going through in the last year has been done in an effort to get to know yourself better. Sure, maybe the drugs took over for awhile, but that's ok. It happens to a lot of people and it sounds like you're back in charge again. Congratulations on that. But as you continue to get to know yourself better, you'll grow more comfortable with yourself, and that's when the social skills will start coming back.
Not that I give the best advice, but I'll recommend setting aside a little time each day or so to do something that you enjoy and that makes you feel more relaxed and better about yourself. Go for a walk in a new part of town, treat yourself to a movie, clean or rearrange a room and just enjoy how nice things look. Again, as you feel more comfortable with yourself, the confidence will come back.
There are lots of ways of putting yourself in social settings to try out your social skills. Go to the public library and join a book club. Join a gardening club. If you like comics and/or gaming, start visiting comic book stores where people game. Visit different churches. I'm not saying that the guy you just met isn't cool, but getting into cars with strangers isn't always the wisest thing to do. There are other ways of meeting people.
It looks like you're really getting things together though. You're working, going to school, getting off of the drugs, ... you have a lot to be proud of. |
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Just sitting here watching the global financial system collapse ...
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Posted: Jul 18, 2008 - 07:08 PM
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Cigaro
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: 2755
Location: Northern Virginia
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| I pretty much agree with everyone else. Just be yourself. You need to feel like he's one of your normal friends you hang out with now. You said youre already comfortable with him so that's excellent. I don't think you need to learn to be more social or something like that. It seems to me he already likes you and so... yeah. I don't think I added anything new here to this thread but maybe if you have a whole bunch of the same opinion, you'll get the idea that you're probably fine the way you are |
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~I enjoy thinking about bettering myself. and then absolutely not doing it~
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Posted: Jul 20, 2008 - 01:59 PM
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ddevil
Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 1342
Location: Norway
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It's not easy to be yourself all the time though. I have a social anxiety disorder, so I have a very hard time talking to new people etc.
the last two years I've been out on jobs and stuff, and that has helped a lot for me, as I end up with new people all the time, and I've just gotta get myself through the phase where you get to know each other. In the beginning I was scared as fuck, but eventually I got used to it, so it's easier. But it's still a big problem for me. |
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Posted: Jul 20, 2008 - 04:55 PM
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Cigaro
Joined: May 19, 2005
Posts: 2755
Location: Northern Virginia
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| ^yes i know sort of what you're talking about. I don't have a social anxiety disorder (or well, let me rephrase that-- i've never been diagnosed with one)-- but i could bet money on it that I do. I hate people in that... i'm afraid of people. People knock on my door and I won't answer. People call and I won't answer. I can't go up to people sometimes and ask a simple question. I'm afraid of raising my hand in class. At work I'm always afraid of what I say to employees, it's VERY difficult for me to make "small talk" with someone, etc. But... I think once there is practice, like you said, it becomes a bit easier to come out of the shell although the social awkwardness might always be there... |
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~I enjoy thinking about bettering myself. and then absolutely not doing it~
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Posted: Jul 20, 2008 - 07:56 PM
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ddevil
Joined: Feb 03, 2005
Posts: 1342
Location: Norway
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SystemofaDownisHot wrote:
^yes i know sort of what you're talking about. I don't have a social anxiety disorder (or well, let me rephrase that-- i've never been diagnosed with one)-- but i could bet money on it that I do. I hate people in that... i'm afraid of people. People knock on my door and I won't answer. People call and I won't answer. I can't go up to people sometimes and ask a simple question. I'm afraid of raising my hand in class. At work I'm always afraid of what I say to employees, it's VERY difficult for me to make "small talk" with someone, etc. But... I think once there is practice, like you said, it becomes a bit easier to come out of the shell although the social awkwardness might always be there...
that sounds exactly like me  |
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No, I've had no formal training.
I just learned by practicing … hours of practicing. It was like my homework.
I’ve been playing for 16 years now, since I was around 11, but you never finish learning.
-- Daron Malakian
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