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Posted: Nov 01, 2008 - 06:24 PM
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Marmalade
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 2330
Location: next to Serj, as you can see, hehe
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Well, after all this Schnibbel-hysteria and after the request of several people, I decided to write another story about Darons talking cock  the idea to this story comes from my dear Italian friends Silvia and Ely, so credits go to them as well.
Yeah - you know this is not meant to offend anyone, blah blah blah, if you dont like it, dont read, and all those who read, enjoy 
SWITCH !
Serj, Daron and John are meeting at Serj’s place. It has been a few months since they had last met at all since everyone has been busy touring or recording. Now Daron and John have finished their European tour and returned to the USA. Serj has just come home a couple of weeks ago as well, and the guys decided to meet for a beer and talk about their latest experiences.
Serj opens the door.
Serj: Hey guys, nice to see you again. Come in.
John: Hey Serj, what’s up?
Daron: Hey man – wow, you’re really skinny, dude!
Serj: Yeah, well, I’ve been touring for almost a year, you know that you always lose weight on the road...
John: Normal people do, yeah. Daron always gets chubby, hehe.
Daron: Shut up, man. I’m not chubby. It’s just the beard.
Serj: I can’t believe you’re still keeping this thing, by the way... man, that must itch terribly.
Daron: Nah it does not. And by the way, several fans told me that they like my beard and that I look good with it. Haha!
Serj and John look at eachother and roll their eyes. They sit down in the living room.
Daron: Where’s Shavo?
Serj: He won’t come today, you know, he is really busy recording the Achozen-album...
John: The album that never comes out, hehe.
Daron: Yeah, man, he is the only one who hasn’t really got anything done since we went on hiatus. Wonder what he’s doing all day.
John: I can tell you. (pretends to smoke)
Daron: That’s what I do, too, but I still write songs and record them, man.
Serj: So how has your tour been, huh? It’s different to be in Europe with your own stuff and not with System, at least that’s what I felt...
John: Yeah, it was different, but the fans were really cool, they love us even when we are not the band they used to know.
Daron: Ah, well, it was okay... I don’t really like Europe, you know that. I’m glad to be here again. Many things about the USA may suck, man, but it’s still my home.
Serj: I really liked my tour, it was awesome, I met so many nice people and really had a good time. But it was good to come home again, I agree with that. It’s not easy to be so far away from your girl all the time...
John: (sighs) I know what you mean. Only jerking off on the tour bus is just not the same, hehe.
Daron: You’ve been jerking off on the bus? Ew, man!
John: Aw, come on, you did it, too!
Daron: No, I did not.
John: Of course you did, everybody does it.
Serj: Come on, guys. Who cares about ‘who was jerking off and who was not’ anyway, I mean, now that we are home, we have our girls for such things...
John: Hehe, yeah. Since I came back, we’ve been doing it at least twice a day. Man, I swear I could make love for a whole week.
Serj: Yeah, same here. When I came home, Angela and I spent three days in bed. It was amazing.
Daron: Eh... so your girls are still as hungry as they used to be?
John: Even more, I’d say, hehe.
Serj: Yeah, I’d definitely say it’s getting more, especially after I’ve been away for some time... why do you ask, Daron?
Daron: Uhm... well... I don’t know, man, but I feel like... Jess doesn’t wanna fuck me as much as she used to. You know me, guys, when I came home, there was nothing I wanted more than fucking her like crazy, but I could only do her once before she said she was too tired...
John: Shit happens, man.
Daron: Yeah, but she keeps saying stuff like ‘I’m tired’ or ‘I’ve got a headache’ whenever I want her. This sucks, man!
Serj: Well, you said she was very busy modelling these days, so maybe she is really tired and exhausted... women are no robots who wanna make love all the time, you know.
John: Or it’s the beard, hehe. You should consider shaving it, maybe she would change her mind then...
Daron: Shut the fuck up, man! It’s not the beard, okay? I think it’s...
Serj and John: What?
Daron: (sighs) It’s my dick, man. She would never say it but I think it’s too small for her.
Schnibbel: (out of Daron’s pants) Oh yeah, great, now it’s my fault again?! Sucker!
John: (rolls eyes) It’s alive.
Schnibbel: Of course I am. Come on, man, let me out.
Daron: (unzips his pants) Okay, okay... listen, man, I’m not saying it’s your fault, okay, you didn’t choose to be small, but...
Schnibbel: Small? Small my fucking ass! YOU are small. In mind.
Daron: Aw come on, you don’t wanna tell my you were big, do you?
Schnibbel: No. But if your chick doesn’t wanna let you fuck her, it’s because you don’t know how to use me.
Daron: Hah! Of course I do. I’m a good lover.
Schnibbel: Bwahaha, man, if I had an ass, I’d laugh it off right now. You’re like a rabbit, dude, you fuck fast and you’re done fast.
Daron: No, I’m not, motherfucker!
Serj: I’m sorry to interrupt your – discussion, but seriously, Daron, I’m pretty sure that all this has nothing to do with your cock. You’ve been with Jessica for quite some time now, she loves you for way more than just for fucking.
Daron: Yeah, that’s easy to say when you’ve got a big member down there.
John: Come on, man, Serj is right. Life is not all about dick size.
Schnibbel: You’ve heard him, dude.
Daron: Shut up!
Schnibbel: YOU shut up! Go home and shave this carpet off, damnit, no chick wants to fuck a guy whose face consists of nothing but hair and eyes. You look like the Yeti’s smaller brother, man.
Serj: Guys, please. I thought we had solved your problems a few months ago, remember? You promised to be good to each other. For the benefit of your next life. What happened to all this?
Daron: It was okay during the last months, man, we got along quite well. But now I’m really beginning to be afraid that... I mean... what if Jess leaves me for someone... someone like John, you know, a guy with a big cock who can almost fuck her to pieces?!
John: Fuck her to pieces? You think that’s what girls want?
Schnibbel: I’ve told you, he knows nothing about women, man, nothing! He still shoves me inside his chick’s ass instead of her pussy, I mean, it’s no surprise she doesn’t want him anymore.
Daron: Jess likes it in the ass, damnit! What do you know, by the way, huh? You are a small wiener that lives in my pants, that’s all.
Serj: (shakes his head) Guys, GUYS! I can’t believe you’re coming up with all this again. Just think about it, Daron, why should Jess suddenly have a problem with your dick size after all those years, that doesn’t make any sense. Why don’t you just ask her if anything’s wrong with her?
Daron: Oh, yeah, and what am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, babe, sorry for bothering you, but do you think my cock is too small’, or what?
Schnibbel: What about ‘hey, babe, do you like being with a human fur ball’?
Daron: I didn’t ask you, asshole.
Serj: Try to grow up, Daron. In a relationship, you should be able to talk about everything, both good things and bad things. And your manhood is not the most important thing, when will you realize that?
Schnibbel: This guy always sounds like he was your therapist, hehehe.
John: I’m the one who needs therapy, after all this time on tour with both of you...
Schnibbel: I can’t understand why you chose to be in a band with HIM again anyway.
John: Sometimes I wonder about that myself.
Daron: (shows him his big finger) Fuck you, man.
Serj: Calm down everyone, okay? I’m getting tired of this shit. We haven’t met for such a long time, and now you’re arguing with your fucking dick again. When will all this finally stop, huh?
Schnibbel: He started!
Daron: Yeah, but you had to talk back right again, as usual, you damn little bastard.
Serj: (sighs) Shut up, both of you! Daron, I think for now it’s better if you take your Schnibbel and go home...
Daron: (to Schnibbel while he puts it back in his pants and gets up) See, he’s kicking us out, just because of you. We always get in trouble because of you. First my girlfriend doesn’t want me anymore, and now my friends... man, I’d give ANYTHING to get another dick, I swear to fucking God!
Later that night...
Serj sits on the floor naked, surrounded by dozens of candles, his eyes closed. He whispers words in a weird-sounding foreign language.
Pogo Stick: Serj... I’m sorry to interrupt you but do you really think that this ia a good idea?
Serj: Yes. I thought about it carefully. I need to teach Daron a lesson. If I won’t do it, nobody will.
Pogo Stick: But you won’t only affect him... what about John, he hasn’t done anything...
Serj: (sighs) He is a grown-up man, I’m sure he can handle the situation. And it won’t last forever, only for a few days. Or weeks. Believe me, I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.
Pogo Stick: Alright. I just hope you know what you’re doing.
Serj: (nods his head and keeps whispering his strange prayer)
The next morning. Daron’s place.
Daron: (yawns) Aah... night’s already over again... man, I had such a hot dream, hehe, I really need to jerk off... (reaches out between his legs) WHOA! What the fuck is wrong with... (looks under the blanket) WOW!
Hulk: What? YOU?
At the same time at John’s place.
John: (yawns) Aaah... what a night... I gotta take a shower. (gets up and into the bathroom where he takes a look into the mirror) God, I look like...
Schnibbel: Good morning, hehe.
John: What? YOU? NOOOOOO !!
(...) |
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Posted: Nov 01, 2008 - 06:54 PM
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Needle
Joined: Oct 04, 2007
Posts: 3052
Location: Europe for fucking 12 months
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Quote:
okay, you didn’t choose to be small
Quote:
Schnibbel: YOU shut up! Go home and shave this carpet off, damnit, no chick wants to fuck a guy whose face consists of nothing but hair and eyes. You look like the Yeti’s smaller brother, man.
 may I disagree with Schnibbel?
And I can feel John's pain |
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Look at his face and walk ca. 8 feet away
See what happened to her face?
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Posted: Nov 01, 2008 - 06:58 PM
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Dart
Joined: Dec 08, 2007
Posts: 981
Location: Shooting up your world
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LMFAO
OK. Now I can take my diapers off.
Quote:
Schnibbel: I can't understand why you chose to be in a band with HIM anyway.
John: Sometimes I wonder about that myself.
Quote:
Schnibbel: What about "hey, babe, do you like being with a human fur ball?"
Great job again, Silke. Can't wait for more. |
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Thanx Elyyyyy!
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Posted: Nov 01, 2008 - 08:07 PM
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Dart
Joined: Sep 06, 2007
Posts: 952
Location: Their Hearts.Their Minds.My World.
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silke, this is what we meant!
YEAH!
go on sweetie, that's kickass!^^ |
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He's The Left Eye
He's The Right Pika Luver
*John's autograph!R_C Rulez!*
I love you.
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Posted: Nov 02, 2008 - 01:56 AM
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Premium Member
Joined: Jan 09, 2006
Posts: 3662
Location: turning off the tv
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Oh NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
LMAO!
This is gonna be great!
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"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright
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Posted: Nov 02, 2008 - 05:36 AM
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Member
Joined: Jul 26, 2008
Posts: 243
Location: in the valley of the walls
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DarkStar78 wrote:
Daron: Yeah, that’s easy to say when you’ve got a big member down there.
Oh, my God. lol. I used to laugh so hard at the word 'balls.' I still do. My freinds used to tease me with it. But 'member?' That's a new word in my dictionary.
DarkStar78 wrote:
John: What? YOU? NOOOOOO !!
(...)
Poor John. You should have made him faint after that. It would have been so hilarious. |
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Posted: Nov 02, 2008 - 06:24 AM
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Needle
Joined: Oct 29, 2006
Posts: 3713
Location: the shell of a hermit crab
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Posted: Nov 02, 2008 - 01:56 PM
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Marmalade
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 2330
Location: next to Serj, as you can see, hehe
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| ^^ hehe thank you everyone after all that happened I wasnt quite sure if I was still able to write this but well... looks like it works |
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Posted: Nov 02, 2008 - 06:33 PM
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Spider
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 486
Location: Being kicked out of my mind...
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| OMG! XD that was priceless what serh did! XDD |
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Posted: Nov 02, 2008 - 10:33 PM
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Member
Joined: Jul 26, 2008
Posts: 243
Location: in the valley of the walls
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| I'd like to see Serj having a crisis of his own. Let's see how he handles it, although I think he would easily get out of it with all that exotic chanting. |
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Posted: Nov 03, 2008 - 10:40 PM
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Dart
Joined: Jan 31, 2008
Posts: 978
Location: PC=Padded Cell
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I just died and went straight to... a place with more Schnibbel
Thank you for making me think about Daron's little friend again. This was freaking hilarious. And POOR JOHN! My heart goes out to him. Imagine that shock, waking up one day and suddenly being Daron-oh wait, you know how that feels Silke
Awesome that you found back to this!  |
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you CANT TWIRL A PROPELLER ON A TOP HAT FOR IT DOES NOT HAVE ONE and thus fails~Steven
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